My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. ". Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. Published Jan 13, 2023. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. Thats weird, I thought. October 14 someone i taught how. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. I told her no. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. Same. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Part of HuffPost Parenting. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Parents m 15-12-2021 2 2. Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. '". Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. No word, no hug, not even a wave. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Start finger painting. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. 5 min read. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. She wanted grandchildren, right? what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Took my 9yo to school. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. 5yo: mommy can you make me a bald egg? It was a station wagon. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. Part of HuffPost Parenting. She asked if it's a name for goats. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. Sign up to follow me here! I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. My daughter is "OMG! My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. Me: Its 6 am. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I have little qualification to speak on this . This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I dont usually get to. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. every time we pass another car on the road. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. By Vish Khanna. I said bye but she walked straight in. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. by Ajani Bazile. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. 8: We only go. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. A. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. Why should you date older single moms? Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. told someone i was 36 today. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. Have you been living under a rock? And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. I really don't know where this conversation is going. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Welcome back! Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone.